Do your job!

I recently went to a refresher course for something I know exactly how to do at work. Why, you might ask. None of your goddamn business, that’s why. (My manager thought it might do some good, and it is nice to leave the office every now and then.)


When I was there, however, I saw some worrying trends.


The course – which dealt with something extremely elementary, in a system we all work with every day – was littered with familiar faces. Faces working there for 10, 20 and 30 years. And they were ooh-ing and aah-ing at every turn, asking a million questions. Concerning something they work with every day. Something that I could do in my sleep after six months here. (Me and many others!)


First of all, don’t stop reading! I’m not just being an arrogant asshole. (No more than usual, at least.) I’m mentioning this because if you’ve had a job for 10 years longer than me, you damn well better be good at it! I’m not a prodigy at all – and no, I didn’t receive any state of the art intro course when I started here – I just do my damn job and retain basic information! And if you’re flabbergasted by courses like these after 10 years; you haven’t been doing yours. You’re incompetent. The very definition of it.

So I use this to move the arrow-thing?

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To my dear parents…

I’ll be quick and blunt. I have ‘unique’ parents. They’re negative, angry, semi-drunks who always put themselves first. I didn’t exactly grow up in a broken home, but my childhood was pretty fucked up because of those two. If I were to vent about my parents though, it wouldn’t fit in a blog post. That’s why I’ve tried to narrow it down to make it a little general and relatable to others. So here it is; five things that I wish my parents would always keep in mind:

Yes, I am smarter than you. No, I’m not trying to rub it in your faces.

When I use words like insinuate, retroactive and arbitrary, I’m not trying to show off. I’m trying to have a normal conversation with you. People I know use those words all the time. They’re not difficult words! When you stop the entire conversation to point out that I’m ‘one-upping’ you with my ‘fancy words’, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. For fuck’s sake, I’m your son! I’m supposed to reach higher and go further. It’s not my fault you got stuck in life and hate everything. Every time I argue against you, you hit me with that shit! Want me to agree with you? Stop preaching blind hatred for everything that moves!

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