On weddings

Already did one of these concerning funerals . . . might as well do one on weddings as well, right? They’re basically the same thing anyway, so. (Fnar fnar fnar!)

Mr. and Mrs Bishop

Well, the focus is going to be a little different, because I’m not taking about faith or religion this time, I’m talking about people. And we all know how I feel about those, right? I’m not extremely well versed when it comes to weddings. I’ve arranged (and participated in) my own, and I’ve been the best man at one, but apart from that I don’t have much experience with them. What I do know, is that my own was pretty far removed from others I’ve been to or heard about. The main difference seemed to be that others kept following so many rules! Rules for guests, rules for the ceremony, rules for everything! And not even their rules, or biblical rules or whatever, but other people’s rules!

Just to get this out of the way: We did not have an ‘extreme’ wedding of any kind. It wasn’t Star Wars themed, we’re not members of a cult and we didn’t serve hot-dogs and say yes in the back of a truck. It was a normal, beautiful outdoor ceremony, she wore white, I wore black, we both said yes and so forth.

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I’m not whipped! (Also, I love my wife!)

I have quite a few friends – shocking, I know – who reflect the modern, stereotypical man pretty well. None of them dislike women, and most of them are either married or in healthy relationships, but they can be a little ‘machismo’ sometimes. With that, I mean the typical ‘women can’t drive, my wife always nags, damn shoes and she made up our minds’ nonsense. I get it, it’s just making conversation. I’ll admit to partaking in this kind of banter a few times as well: “There’s a sale next door? Better not tell the missus! Haha, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, snicker.” And to support equality for all: Some women are just as bad! “Football match tonight. Guess my husband’s unavailable then. Blah-blah, something that doesn’t get done around the house.”

These conversations are kind of like the weather. It’s out there, it’s definable, it’s something to talk about. When people see your wedding ring, they instantly think they have something in common with you. The fact of the matter is, they don’t.

Every relationship is different, and people are different. Yet we’re still bogged down by petty stereotypes and expected behavior. In reality, these exist to a lesser extent every day, so we might as well stop clinging to them. I’m a man – last time I checked, at least – and I can’t stand football. I think it’s utterly, fucking stupid! I also keep my hands out of my boxers, and have no clue what goes on under the hood of a car. I know what colors go together, and I can buy furniture for the house, because I have taste. Do you know what this makes me? Still just a regular man! My wife hates shopping; because she’s not that into shoes or fashion. On the flip-side, she loves whiskey just as much as I do. Do you know what that makes her? Still just a regular woman. Some of these stereotypes are so worked into our psyche, it makes us instantly label people who deviate from them. I realize we’ve shied away from some of them – we’re not all about the ‘dolls or cars’ dichotomy anymore – but at least one gender stereotype still exist and thrive: How we relate to one another.

This is where that dreadful ‘whipped’ expression comes into play. I’m fairly certain I don’t have to explain this, but Urban Dictionary [link] explains it as “being completely controlled by your girlfriend or boyfriend . . . in most cases a guy being completely controlled by his girlfriend.”

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