Relationships. How much should you really invest in them? Are all of them worth it?
No, I’m not getting divorced or anything, but there are some burning bridges behind me. I’ve lived a mostly sheltered life free of conflict, but there’s been a few incidents and confrontations over the years that really, really put me off people and much of their bullshit in general . . . No, I’m not trying to do the cool introvert-y thing where I ‘hate’ people because I’m so much better than them. I just genuinely can’t seem to invest in people I don’t care about. Subsequently, the list of people I care about is short and growing shorter.
Couldn’t it be because the person having the party likes you, and therefore wants you to come?
Maybe, but that’s irrelevant, because I don’t care about him. (Calm down, I have a point.) This, in my mind, generally means we don’t know each other all that well, so he can’t possibly be all that offended by my absence. And if he is offended, why the hell is that a good reason to go?! Life is short, people, if you’re going to do something, do it because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. If you do that, you’ll end up regretting it anyway.
I’ve also had a few different jobs that I’ve quit, or that have been temporary positions, and I’ve mostly just slipped out on my last day, because I don’t want those long, sweeping (and ultimately false) conversations with people. I’ve been criticized for this by many friends (proper friends) because giving a little bit of yourself whether you want to or not is all a part of adult life. That’s true, to a degree, but when one of my bosses is a fucking class A shitbag, I reserve the right to not listen to that speech. Shouldn’t I stand up for myself? Being an adult isn’t the same as being a pushover, it’s about choosing the relationships you want. Fuck the rest of them! Yes, it’s an awful feeling when someone doesn’t like you; but isn’t it a little refreshing as well? That means you don’t have to make an effort either. Don’t like me? That’s too bad, you’re missing out, then. Pushing to know someone who clearly has no interest in you – then suddenly being offended and upset because you put in more effort than they do – is ridiculous! A relationship is not an effort-competition, it’s a bond between two people that makes you want to make an effort. Whoever Mandy Hale is, she hit the nail on the head:
You might be inclined to tell me that this is all obvious, but still these types of relationships persevere. Not only among colleagues and social functions, but between friends and family as well. I know many people who are contacted by relatives and friends and exposed to thinly veiled bile: ‘I’m the one calling you again, huh? Well, you know where we live, so maybe we’ll actually see you someday.’ Well, you know where I live, too, dipshit! What’s your fucking point?
And that’s the linchpin, isn’t it? The giving or taking of energy.
You gotta give to receive, and once you receive, you give more etc. It’s a cycle that works wonders with the right people, but turns into a downward spiral with the wrong ones. Because the wrong people will rob you of your energy, and then you feel exhausted and cranky, so you’ll act kinda grumpy towards them, and then they take more energy, because you’re being mean and . . . seriously, who needs relationships like that? You’re doing the other person a kindness by cutting him or her out as well, because you’re not providing much energy in your current state. Just think about it: In these ‘self-actualizing’ times – where time is a commodity, and we’re supposed to be superheroes that do cross-fit and play enriching videogames and have two degrees and change work every two years and have kids – do we really have time for people that suck the energy and life-force right out of us?
No! We don’t! They’re not worth it! Cut them out of your life!
Sincerely – Bishop